Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
