My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
