Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
