it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize