WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
