hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
