I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
