Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
