Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
