names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
