i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
