3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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