I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
