Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
