brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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