Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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