i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
