is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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