So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
