so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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