i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
