I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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