you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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