So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
