my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
