dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize