Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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