I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
