I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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