I want to walk on stilts...naked
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
