she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
