OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
