My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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