u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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