3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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