Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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