dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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