if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
