overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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