so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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