I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
