how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize