We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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