He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
