At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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