hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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