I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
