ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, he came in my armpit
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
