I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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