I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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