I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
accomplished twins. life is a go
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
