so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
