I want to make a zoo with you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Houston, we have a squirter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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