There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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