If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
