They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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