Dual....:-)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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