You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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