remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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