i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize