Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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