i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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