NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
