Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
