u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He has the fingertips of a God
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