Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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