Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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