i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
