fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
a search helicopter?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
