Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize