I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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