Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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