I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize