New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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