i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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