just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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