Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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