My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
