I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
