He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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