its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
