Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
