guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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