just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
