my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
