You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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