Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
