on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
