my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
