did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
