I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
