New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize