Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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