I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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