How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize