dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
