it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
