I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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