I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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