next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
