with your own penis?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
