i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize