I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
