These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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