I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drunk is not a location!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
