I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
