Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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