If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
