My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize