I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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